SO TIRED. but immensely high. haihz. my eyes are like closing lah... but i was like a madwoman today! me and jo were dancing arnd haha. yeah shared my non existent passion for this trip with my cell today and i guess it helped to like voice it out haha... just yeah. i hope God answers my prayer and gives me an extra amount of love for the country and the pple there! :) had christmas cluster meeting today... its prob going to be at my hse. oh man.... time for the roof to collapse lah... i think tt they think tt the hse is bigger than it really is lor... oh wells. we'll see haha. tml we having a breifing with all the kids. WOAHZ. be prepared for a madness time haha.

anyway was struck by something in worship today... im guessing tt the theme was God's love and my qt yst was on love too and how God is love. and like while i was singing "hear these praises from a grateful heart, each time i think of you all the praises start. Love You so much, Jesus, love You so much" i just felt like God was asking me "you say it but do you really?" and i realised tt i kinda lost my love for Him? as in the first love... like got caught up in so much other things, service and studying and friendships and everything tt is happening in my life that i forgot the one constant, the one and only Person who has always been there for me through it all. and i was like mouthing the words and repenting in my heart that i have not meant what i said, that i put loving God behind doing things, for being a martha instead of a mary. and God let me feel His presence again and it was so wonderful. i really missed it alot i guess... and like i din even noe tt it wasnt there! gosh. good thing God is so nice to show me :) and cell was qt good today... was discussing surrendering to God and i know that is one area in my life tt i can DEFINATELY work much harder on!Just pray that God will give me the strength to be the best person tt i can be :)

ok. an amusing conversation:

Dinesh - Scolionophobia says:
it's ok i tell u now
Dinesh - Scolionophobia says:
u're special to me....anything goes for u!
shalom eats healthy says:
such a kind fella
shalom eats healthy says:
Dinesh - Scolionophobia says:
hehe
Dinesh - Scolionophobia says:
if i were manjan n not liking another girl i'd have kidnapped u!
Dinesh - Scolionophobia says:
haha
shalom eats healthy says:
!!!!
shalom eats healthy says:
haha
Dinesh - Scolionophobia says:
serious!
Dinesh - Scolionophobia says:
i'll wack up any guy u'll be wif if he doesn't take care of u!

aww. dinesh so nice haha. hes my unattached bf hahaha. and my hugging fren! ill really miss him nxt yr mannnn. always in the canteen ready to let me jump on him and grab him hahaha. and hes like the nicest of the ics dudes to me hees. dinesh u rock :)

wadeva. wadeva wadeva wadeva wadeva wadeva wadeva.

hmm... was asking aakash if we will ever see each other again. and he said yeah he din noe oso haha... oh wells. dunno lah. i will always thank the guys for making me someone hu is like. not racist and stuff :) anyway, my sister is SUPER nice lah. she is organising a birthday party for me! haha... oh man. as in i always knew tt my sis was the nicest of us three but seriously man. she is NICE haha. i will buy her nice presents from india.oooo. daddy has a conference in kansas nxt may so i might be going with him! amazingly fun lah. gosh i am sooooooo going to enjoy my 7 mnths of freedom haha...

i think i going for trg tml haha... if i can pull myself out of my comfortable chair... but like i feel super lethargic and stuff... so shld exercise abit lah! anyway marcus said tt will be super slack and if all else fails i can swim with howeli! haha.ok i feel qt good. feel liek im getting the momentum to study :) and i shld be going to do tt now! haha...shld i stay up to watch the match??? after all, i AM the good luck charm HAHA its true! after i watched the match against fulham they started winning den it ended up a 4-2 thrashing lah! gosh. i am such a lucky girl HAHA :)

haihz. im like so tired today haha... had some huge fight with daddy during dinner... but now ok lah... apologised and yeah. my daddy loves me again haha... its like. hes so worried for my a's and i dunno someitmes its like hes more worried than me... which is not really good rite hmm....

anyway. had first meeting for the china trip yst... we din really do much just play some games and stuff... goal setting blah blah... i dunno lah. im trying to be more enthusiastic for it but somehow im not really? i dunno lah... i never really wanted to go china i guess...but cos nowhere else so go lor... its qt bad rite... i mean so wad if its china? if i can serve God there den its a good place right... i will try to get out of this mindset.... on the other hand im like really excited abt india haha... maybe its tt i like medical stuff and not really teaching stuff... haha... but uncle wei leong was telling me abt it and it sounds REALLY fun and interesting! i really really hope tt i can get to deliever a baby haha... and im going to get dinesh to teach me tamil after my a's heh. oh man im really qt excited abt it lor haha... i dunno. it feels more like an adventure... dunno lah. must pray tt God will change my heart and give me love for china too! :)

oh gosh. of all the times to say this. you have to say it now... what am i to do. i mean. i did think of it before but i got it out of my system, out of my head... and now u say this!!! and its like. i cant help but think maybe...and i really shldnt!! and its like i just wonder what if and like if there is a future... but there cant be lah. as in i really dun think there can be... and i dun think that it will work out if we force it to be... and i dun wanna lose a friend cos i think tt that is the only thing that can ever come out of this... and esp not this friend... and like today the cell grp teaching was on intimacy and how we shldnt be too close to guys cos they might get the wrong idea blah blah... and i couldnt help but think is this me???? haihz. i dunno lah. its like u ask me y i will go the extra mile for u when i wun for others, y i will go and find u and force you to talk to me when noone else cared and i really dunno. maybe i shldnt have. but if i din i wun have you as my friend... and sometimes that is what sees me through the day. and its not as if i can just dun think of it... esp now when everyday im like at home alone trying to study and its just not good lah. craps man. OF ALL TIMES!

go see new pics... under farewell assembly 2004